Oliver James Feehan Was Born

My son was born early one damp October morning. Witnesses of this [very!] quick affair included Ben, My good friend Selina,  my mother and sister, and of course Peggy, our midwife.

My plan was to try a water birth for the first time. For weeks we had the tub set up in the nursery. It made a great playpen for Erin. She didn't believe anything belonged in it besides her, despite our occasional suggestion. Any and all toys were promptly ejected, with great prejudice.

Selina came over once a week towards the end to help purge the house of unwanted clutter and grime. She was to be my doula and was determined that everything would be perfect for me. Some extra nice things that were her fault:

- All the edges of the carpet vacuumed!
- Last minute house cleaning during early labor
- All the important little things I refused to remember or act on

Energy came in spurts, long and short, in the last weeks. The /last/ week however was the slowest, laziest, most hum drum thing imaginable. My Mister bought me a fuzzy blanket, and I went into hibernation. I'd spent so much energy walking, and bouncing and stretching to get the baby out and now I was discouraged because apparently it wasn't in my control. So I slept.

Looking back, I was probably in early labor.

Trying to remember the experience doesn't result in any sort of linear thought, mostly just strong or vague impressions. For instance, I think my attitude going into the experience was much better. My first birth was so surprising, on so many different levels. This time I'd actually tried to start labor, and was legitimately excited for the happy event. It was like a party in my honor or something.

When it finally happened I was not convinced that anyone should believe me. I was too embarrassed to get people's hopes up, and probably downplayed it a bit. My midwife was on her way home from a seminar in Portland. She and I were in contact briefly, concluding that I probably wouldn't have the baby that night.  Everyone went [or stayed] home until receiving a midnight call suggesting they get themselves to my house asap, preferably sooner.

I was in transition when the midwife arrived.

Funny thing, labor didn't seem that hard comparatively. I only had wowthisisacontraction feelings for about two hours, basically from transition to birth. I'm guessing that certain relaxation measures taken that evening had much to do with it. Probably the drinking of my first sangria could have been thought through a little more. Not saying I would have done anything differently, I just might have anticipated the general fuzzy happiness and lack of strong decision making.

My best friend, and go to problem solver. :) :)

I labored in a total of five different places, very different from my first birth. Earlier in the evening I walked around being confused and aimless while Selina cleaned my kitchen and made my drink. After Ben had taken care of Erin and sent her to bed a little early I tried to get some sleep, which is when contractions really started coming. We got back up and started a movie, which I did not pay the slightest attention too, but mostly bounced around on our exercise ball trying to time contractions. We called the midwife again, and the conversation went something like this:

"I just thought you should know I'm definitely in labor now."
"Oh? Tell me what you're feeling."
"Um, contractions? Real ones?"
"Uh-huuuuuh, and how far apart?"
"It's really random. Sometimes three, sometimes five minutes, occasionally less than one minute."
Pause.
"I'm coming over now."
Click.

I was told later that when Peggy called her assistant it was strongly suggested they make haste or risk a baby being born without them since, "She has her babies quickly."

Sam and Sonya [Ben's parent's] came to pick up Erin around midnight. They prayed with me before leaving. Selina came [again! she helped me so much!] in as they went out, and french braided my hair. Ben was close by the entire time, I wouldn't let him leave. Once I think he tried, and I promptly panicked. He was allowed to go get me my blanket, and that was it.

As Peggy sailed in to take control announcing that, "She's pushing, move it to the bedroom" I started insisting on getting into the tub, though I think that was actually a mental process and not something that happened out loud. In fact, I almost missed my water birth since our hot water ran out and folks had to make do with boiled water.

Wut. I have Korean babies.

They tried to make me get into bed. That wasn't happening. I stubbornly clung to the edge of the frame and remembered that awful hour and a half I'd spent lying in there pushing with Erin 18 months ago. When the tub was finally ready and I could escape the 'helpful' breaths being done along with me I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. I got a little bit of a break, and then 4 or 5 pushes and then my baby came, around 2:30am.

It really was that quick. I was so surprised, and immediately wondered what the catch was. Shouldn't this have taken longer? Later I realized the 'catch' happened to be uterine cramping while nursing, which had me on Ibuprofen round the clock.

I remember seeing Ben hold Ollie while I was being hauled out of the water. I thought, "Whelp. My work is done. You all can handle the rest, right?" But I guess folks wanted to sleep, so after being tucked into bed with my Mister and my son I settled in for a long night of nursing, and not sleeping, and falling in love.

Tiny mister and THE Mister. 

Teething

My sweet Erin was so sad this morning. Her teeth are hurting her and she's a bit feverish so everything is  more emotional than it should be. For example, earlier I heard her wailing desperately for help in the hallway. When I flew to her aid and asked what she needed the only answer I received was one tiny, trembling finger pointing at some applesauce, dribbled down the front of her shirt.

I am sympathetic, having recently rediscovered what monthly hormones feel like.

Oliver is also teething. His first tooth! 3 months seems a bit young but I also started cutting my teeth at that age so possibly it is a family thing.

In between the chores and baby coordinating I've been reading up on Charlotte Mason. I'm so completely excited to provide the best education possible for my children. The deeper I delve the more I feel like I ought to send myself back to some form of school first.

Ambleside online offers their free annotated version of Charlotte Mason's books here. I'm thinking a steady read through of these will be a great place to start.

In other news, Ben has just started an author's blog called, The Ragman Has a Packrat. It's already great. :)

After work this evening, we all flopped on the floor for a pre-bedtime play session. Oliver joined, small though he is.

I hold to the theory that he is a boy and therefore tough and can handle things. I mean -- look at him. Not even phased (even though I was pretty sure his life was in danger). 

Erin, 20 Months

Erin, my sweet girl,

Now you are almost two, and you have been loudly proclaiming your identity to the world for some time already. I can hardly see a trace of the infant or baby anymore. It's getting easier to look down the road, and see the woman we've been training you to be. With a new brother in the house, I can tell how much your daddy and I learned from you...sometimes I'm worried about lost opportunities, but then I remember that I am also an oldest daughter. You and I will have a special relationship because of it. You will be strong. We will be best friends.

Your daddy and I are so proud of you because:

~ You have your own tiny broom and vacuum, and can take care of the floors with mommy.

~ You love your baby brother and give him kisses all the time.

~ Your favorite game to play on your own is 'going bye-bye' with your best baby doll. This one will get easier after you've learned how to handle all the buckles, straps, laces and corners involved.

~ You are learning to count! 3 is about as high as it gets right now, and the best part for mommy is that you understand the concept as well as how to mimic the sounds.

~ Right now you learn best with a combination of sign language and instruction. I think you feel like we're not putting enough effort into it if our hands are still.

~ Being read to is cause for celebration. We've got to be mindful of our timing because you will ask for book, after book, after book...

~ Cartoons were made especially for daddy and Rinrin. You guys have your own special show, and it's perfect for cuddling and exchanging astonished expressions when something cool happens.

~ You are almost completely fearless as long as daddy and mommy are around.

~ 'Dance' is your favorite sign, and you've got a hair trigger for breaking out into wiggly, bouncy dance sessions.

~ You take the garbage out with daddy, and consider it a serious responsibility.

~ The kitchen counters and drawers belong to you during cooking times. You know which ones are allowed, and you know exactly what to do with them. There have been several meals with your special touch added to things.

~ You love blueberries /so/ much that you are willing to put aside all prejudice in their name. You forged new friendships with your Grandpa and great Grandma based upon the power of the blue berry.

Toddler Safe Herbal Remedy for Skin Rash

Mother and Child - Xi Pan

According to Steven H. Horne, author of the ABC Herbal for Children, the three phases of herbal treatment and prevention in children is as follows:

ACTIVATE or energize the system; BUILD the body's immunity; and CLEANSE.

I kept this formula in mind while treating a very nasty rash that appeared on my one year old's lower back almost a week ago and had amazing success! Here is a summary of my new favorite Rash Regimen...

Since the rash didn't seem to fit the profile of any common skin problems I could find in my research and didn't stick around long enough to go to the doctor, we never diagnosed whether it was fungal, bacterial, or viral. This made me very uncomfortable, since I felt like I couldn't tailor my treatment to the specifics of the issue. I decided to give myself two weeks to take care of the problem before we at least went in for a diagnosis (I think it's a good idea to determine a timeline for yourself while utilizing home treatment methods just to be safe and keep yourself balanced. I'm probably a bit more jumpy now than I will be in a few years).

Garlic Bath: Once a day or more, I made a large batch of garlic tea to add to Erin's bathwater. She sat in there for at least 30 minutes at a time.

Peppermint/Yarrow Salve: After every bath I rubbed Erin down with an herbal salve of yarrow, coconut oil, and peppermint. In a pinch, pure coconut oil would have worked pretty well.

Tea Tree/GFS extract external application: Using a fresh Q-tip we all made sure to swab the affected area several times a day with a diluted solution of Tea Tree Oil and Grapefruit Seed Extract.

Fresh Ginger: I added fresh ginger to pretty much every dinner meal for about three days (Stir fry, soup, fried rice, etc. Ginger is pretty versatile.)

And that's it! As far as diet goes, I just generally tried to keep her away from sugars and white flour, while making our meals as healthy as I could without stressing about it too much. In less than one week Erin's dark rings and tired, whiny behavior went away, as well as the alarmingly gross looking rash that had begun to spread up her back by the time I noticed it.

I'm really excited about treating the WHOLE body, building it's strength and immunity so that it can heal itself. This was one of my first tests/experiments, and I feel like it went really well! I'll will continue to update our progress, and I also plan to review the book, The ABC Herbal, by Steven Horne, in the near future.

Advice for New Moms: Before, During, and After Baby Comes

These first three months of motherhood have felt like a lifetime unto themselves. Looking back and learning so much, there are a lot of things I wish I had known before I had my first baby. If I could go back in time and talk to my little pregnant self, these are a few of the things I would have told me.

Books

I really enjoyed Babywise and The Baby Whisperer. Each of the books highlight different and important aspects of bonding, and child training, feeding, naps, and various other subjects relevant to parenthood. A thorough perusal of them both should give you a pretty balanced perspective. Discuss the concepts with your spouse and pray for wisdom. (There are many other wonderful books out there, but I found these to be particularly helpful.)

After Erin was born, my husband and I had to work twice as hard at our relationship! The Five Love Languages has been very beneficial to us, even just as a conversation starter.

Asking for help

Ask a loved one to stay with you and your spouse for a few days after your baby is born. My sister in law took the initiative to spend at least three days with Ben and I while we were recovering and adjusting. She cleaned our home and cooked our meals, doing wonderfully unexpected things like washing our laundry, and cleaning up the less pleasant nooks and crannies of our bathroom. She also took it upon herself to make sure I drank lots of postpartum smoothies, and various other helpful things.

During my pregnancy I was very forgetful. Since I've had Erin, I'm not so much forgetful, as I haven't had the energy or time I need to plan and think ahead. I have found it very helpful to keep running lists of the household inventory that needs restocking. If someone offers, or if Ben happens to be going out, I can send a list!

Health and Recovery

Please, please take everyone's advice and SLEEP whenever you have the opportunity. Even after it's been several weeks, or even months, and people stop asking how you're feeling, try to at least fit in a nap.

Make (or have someone else do this!) a bottle of diluted grapefruit seed extract hand spray. Erin is three and a half months old and I still like to have people sanitize when they visit (or wash up after a trip to the grocery store). I'm not a big fan of commercial hand sanitizer. Grapefruit seed extract is an excellent substitute.

Making a soothing peppermint oil for your baby is very simple. While visiting my parents, Erin was suffering from painful tummy gas. My mom simply put a few drops of peppermint essential oil into a tiny vial of olive oil and shook it up. Erin was wrapped up tightly so we just rubbed some of the concoction on her little foot and within a few minutes her gas was gone! I usually rub some into her tummy now, and it works even better. Spearmint essential oil is another option, as I've heard that it is gentler on your baby's system. Just make sure to dilute!

Communicate how you are feeling emotionally and physically. Sometimes women assume the exhaustion or discouragement they feel is normal, or just a temporary no-biggie. Trust me, it's not worth the trouble! The right supplement, or a small diet change can help significantly. Communication with your loved ones and physician or midwife is very important.

Activities/Things to fill your time

After your baby is born, it might be difficult to find the motivation to do anything extra. I would suggest however that you get started on your baby scrapbooks as soon as you can! It's really easy to put this off, and I can tell you it's very likely that you will regret doing so.

Try to be intentional about which activities you choose to fill your down time. Realize that whatever you end up doing on a regular basis will probably become a habit, or at least something that happens way more than it used to. Be warned, and also take advantage of this! Some suggestions:

• Research interesting topics. I love books on interior decorating, container gardening, household organization, personal finance, travel...basically anything that catches my eye in the moment. Ben and I used to frequent Barnes and Noble, and I started to keep record of all the cool things I learned in a tiny moleskin he gave me. 

• Start a new hobby. What have you always wanted to do, but never thought you actually would? Immediately after you have a baby, most people are extremely helpful! When someone asks if they can do something for you, this might be the perfect time to get the supplies you need for a new hobby. You might not even get to it right away, but at least you are prepared to begin whenever you want to.

• Revive old favorite past times. The guitar you haven't touched in ages. The paintbrushes you've almost forgotten how to use. Remember your old journal? This is a great time to pick up hobbies that have fallen to the wayside.

A couple of things I would have like to have put more thought into before labor began:

• How I did my hair! Looking back, a sturdy up-do would have been perfect. I should have asked one of the ladies present to do a nice braid for me. :) (I'm terrible at braiding my own hair!)

• My birthing outfit. I chose a flowy, stretchy purple dress that hit about mid thigh. This would have been perfect had I not decided to jump in the bath! Unfortunately it became very uncomfortable and difficult to manage once I was partially wet. I think next time (Since I plan to labor in a birthing tub next time!) I will wear something made of swimsuit material that reaches mid-calf.

• Set up a birthing tub! Even if you don't think you want to use one, I strongly suggest you have one ready to go just in case you change your mind mid labor. I did change my mind, and I did not have a birthing tub. And let me tell you, a bathtub just doesn't cut it. :)

• Make sure the birthing room has the option to let in/shut out day light, or a small lamp to replace the overhead light if you are laboring during the night. It's nice to have options...I found it more comfortable when the room was dim.

I'm sure there will be much more to come! My baby hasn't even started crawling yet. In the meantime, hopefully some of this advice goes to good use. :)